Reminiscing Again

I dread how sometimes I can't let go of my past,
Whether good or bad, just knowing it's in the past
And never to be something again is torture.

Reminiscing the memories of playing homemade games
With my brother to just enjoy another's presence,
Recalling the little details in my young young life
That made my whole world a world entirely,

Is what brings me to some of my lowest points.

I know these things shouldn't do such damage to me,
I should remember as they were and cherish the joy
Or ignore the pain and know that it's what made me who I am
And then live my life as of now to make new memories
I can look back at when I'm an adult,

But sometimes my mind just won't allow true logic
And make me realize those wonderful, amazing memories
Are nothing but memories: pictures fading in a dusty box,
Broken toys in a far away dumpster rotting beside the seagulls,
Trees chopped down, bedrooms refurnished by strangers...

I'm ill by the thought of change and growing older,
Within every skin cell of myself I truly want everything to stay exactly the same,
Every detail, every toy, every game, every person, every tree,
Every blade of grass, every rock, every piece of furniture,
Everything.

But I know no human can live that way,
It's practically impossible,
So why choke myself half to death with agony that can't be released?

I guess, I don't really know...